First thing’s first: My trip to Target today included a mad dash to collect what I needed and get out because Eleanor has entered the stage in which she yells, “WALK! WALK! WALK!” while arching her back & being generally pissed off at being in the stroller*. Her mood transferred to Toby and Callista, so the trip was an extended game of Will This Make You Happy?, and the checkout line I chose didn’t have any Time magazines.
SO. I haven’t read the full article yet.
BUT, I bet few talking fast and furiously about it today have. In a fast-paced world where we knee-jerk reactions rule and news comes from headlines, I wonder if many will read the full article or if they’ll just bitch about extended breastfeeding vs. plain breastfeeding vs. breastmilk vs. formula vs. mom vs. mom vs. mom vs. mom vs. generation vs. doctors vs. the whole world that is just out to get me and make me feel like I’m not doing enough even though ohmygoodnessifIdoanymoreI’llmeltintoapuddleofoverdonegoo.
Deep breaths, people.
Time Magazine’s cover photo and story teasers aren’t meant to fan any flames. They aren’t meant to spark any self doubt. They’re meant to draw you in and get you to read about attachment parenting, a parenting method that, quite honestly, sounds like too much for me.
So, no. I’m not “mom enough” for attachment parenting.
That’s what the story teaser asks, and that’s my answer.
Not, “Mind your business, Time Magazine! I’m mom enough for you!” or “I’m just as much of a mom as Jaime Lynn Grumet, even though I’m not breastfeeding my 3-year-old son!” or even “I’m enough of a mom, and I’ve never breastfed a day in my life!”
This isn’t about how mothers measure up against each other. It isn’t about measuring up at all. It’s about our individual value systems and to what extent we decided to tie physical bonds with our children. Mommy wars aren’t created by magazine covers. They’re created by moms who doubt their own choices then attack others who are different just because they’re threatened by self doubt. Mommy wars aren’t against each other. They’re against ourselves, and that’s why no one ever wins.
Attachment parenting isn’t for me. It doesn’t make me less of a mom or even not enough of a mom because I don’t sleep with my triplets or wear my them a majority of the time (* like today, when two rode in the stroller pushed by my mom and one rode in the shopping cart pushed by me) or because I have let them cry (Yeah, I still breastfeed my near-18-month-old triplets, but one trait doesn’t qualify me as an APer.)
I’m just not interested in doing the attached-mom thing that much. Two snaps up to parents (because it’s not just moms) who put the time and effort into subscribing to attachment parenting. You have a different definition of Mom than I do, and it requires more giving of personal space than I’m willing to give.
I’m “mom enough” for my family, but I’m just not “mom enough” for attachment parenting.
If you’re one of those who think Time Magazine is questioning whether or not you’re enough of a mom, why don’t you believe in yourself in your ability as a mom and say, “Yes! Thank you for setting up this pat on my back today! I am enough!”
If you’re a good mom, you are enough, and you don’t need a magazine to spark self doubt. Exude the confidence I know you want to teach your children (a lesson taught by good moms everywhere), and mentally fist bump moms everywhere for being good for our families.
If you aren’t a good mom … well, perhaps you should step away from social media and work on that.
***
I meant to stay out of this, and dammit if I just couldn’t keep my trap shut, then USA Today and Huffington Post grabbed my tweets. Do you think this counts toward my now-dusty journalist résumé? No? Darn.
Story time at the library is exactly as manageable and fun as you all said. I’ve fallen back into my old, library-obsessed self and am so happy to have that part of me back. Sure, I’m sharing the love with my kids, but I really feel much more comfy in my own skin with my book nerd pieces back intact.
I’m not taking home the same weekly haul I did pre-kids, but that doesn’t matter. Look! A book and an audiobook just for me! (Toby picked out the sparkle book by himself and read it the whole way home then ran and hid in a corner away from his sisters so he could enjoy the book without fighting for it. Ha!)
Summer weather has officially punched us in our sweaty faces, so we’re spending a lot of time outside with bathing suits (swim suits? Different regions call them different things, I guess), water, water and more water, and even some watermelon. It’s hot, but it’s been a lot of fun so far.
My parents started with a small pool and kept getting bigger ones as I grew. I don’t see us getting a bigger pool (currently using a plastic Walmart special) anytime soon, but we’ll soon venture out onto Lake Norman on our boat. Eep!
Books and bathing suits, this summer is shaping up to be fantastic, and it’s only May. Love!
Our team:
Our mascots:
A glimpse at how much has changed in a year:
An idea of what’s to come in the near future:
This year’s March for Babies was again inspiring. No longer riding high on realizing how much we’ve overcome despite prematurity (still amazed, but the wonder has sunk in much more in the last year), my focus this year was on others.
I walked for some time with a mother whose school-age sons were both (in separate years) born premature. They’re now taller than me and sweet as can be, but they were once 1-lb. preemies born with fewer gestating weeks than my own trio were granted.
I had spoken with Diana Stone (pregnant with identical twins and currently on bed rest after her water broke at 18 weeks 5 days) on the phone the night before, just after she decided to go against her doctors’ plans to induce and terminate. She was on my mind the whole morning as I passed by miracle after miracle after miracle. It’s odd to pray for two beautiful babies to join this group of miracles, but surviving prematurity is far better than doctors giving up on you before you can be given the chance to reach viability. Even better would be Diana to carry so close to term her sons don’t qualify for a premature label.
Miracles happen, and March of Dimes is there to help nudge those miracles with funding, research, technology, treatments and techniques. Every baby is a miracle, and each miracle deserves a healthy beginning.
The nationwide events are called March for Babies, but it’s about more than the babies. It’s about the mothers and fathers and grandparents, uncles, aunts and all the people in between who fill family roles but don’t quite fit a traditional family name.
I march because I still carry the scars of my own preterm labor experiences and from giving birth well before my babies reached full term. I march for my family and friends who are currently pregnant and who will be pregnant in the future. I march for my own babies, for when they’ll have babies of their own.
March of Dimes has done so much to help babies have a healthy start, to keep mothers pregnant despite heartbreaking complications that threaten to take away a piece of their soul. But they can do so much more.
I march because I don’t want to worry as much as I do. I want to know I’m doing something to help discover new treatments and procedures that help keep women pregnant for longer, that keep tiny babies from needing surgeries.
I want my fear to drive me to do something positive, to let people know how important March of Dimes is – not only to me and my family, but maybe to you and yours someday.
God forbid anyone I love ever need the March of Dimes’ work again, but just in case we do, I’ll be happy I helped.
Don’t ignore your ability to fight infertility.
If you’re infertile (an ugly label used to describe couples trying to conceive without success after 6-12 months (depending on age) or a woman younger than 35 who suffers multiple miscarriages), don’t ignore the lifestyle changes your system may need or treatments you can undergo. From diet and exercise to Eastern medicine to Western medicine to adoption to living child-free, the combat weapons in your infertility arsenal are as diverse as the infertile person. Somehow, some way, you have a perfect fit in this world despite infertility’s affects. Don’t ignore your ability to fight infertility.
If you aren’t fighting infertility but know someone who is, don’t ignore your ability to fight. No one will expect you to find answers, but do some research and educate yourself so you can talk with your loved ones who are fighting infertility. We all need companionship, and having someone to talk with without needing to define and describe every minute detail is invaluable. This is why so many infertile people develop strong friendships with other infertiles. Be a gentle shoulder to lean on, an inviting ear. You may not have answers, but you’ll probably be able to help your loved ones find or at least understand the answers they need. Don’t ignore your ability to fight infertility.
If you don’t know anyone who has shared their fight with infertility (1 in 8 suffer from infertility – I promise you know someone regardless of whether they’ve told you), don’t ignore your ability to fight. Be kind. Be loving. Be supportive. Don’t be negative. Don’t be insensitive. Don’t be nosy. If you have a hard day with your own children, remember the people who’d take a hard day with children of their own rather than knowing no days at all with their own children. If your pregnancy is wearing on you, remember the people who are spending their dwindling hope and bank accounts on working toward pregnancy. You have every right to address your own struggles, but remember when those struggles are attached to blessings and let your secretly infertile loved ones know you don’t take what you have for granted. Don’t ignore your ability to fight infertility.
If you’ve crossed the lines and are now a parent after fighting infertility, don’t ignore your ability to continue fighting infertility. Share your story. Share your experience – the emotions, the treatments, the tips and tricks you discovered that kept your head above water. Be a cheerleader for those just starting to fight and those still fighting. Set a positive example of how it’s possible to be supportive despite not currently facing the same struggle. Don’t ignore your ability to fight infertility.
It’s National Infertility Awareness Week. One in eight couples of reproductive age are infertile. Learn more about infertility; support legislation working to ensure medical coverage for infertility treatments; donate to RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, which works to provide family building support to Americans. Do something! Don’t ignore your ability to fight infertility.
