First thing’s first: My trip to Target today included a mad dash to collect what I needed and get out because Eleanor has entered the stage in which she yells, “WALK! WALK! WALK!” while arching her back & being generally pissed off at being in the stroller*. Her mood transferred to Toby and Callista, so the trip was an extended game of Will This Make You Happy?, and the checkout line I chose didn’t have any Time magazines.

SO. I haven’t read the full article yet.

BUT, I bet few talking fast and furiously about it today have. In a fast-paced world where we knee-jerk reactions rule and news comes from headlines, I wonder if many will read the full article or if they’ll just bitch about extended breastfeeding vs. plain breastfeeding vs. breastmilk vs. formula vs. mom vs. mom vs. mom vs. mom vs. generation vs. doctors vs. the whole world that is just out to get me and make me feel like I’m not doing enough even though ohmygoodnessifIdoanymoreI’llmeltintoapuddleofoverdonegoo.

Deep breaths, people.

Time Magazine’s cover photo and story teasers aren’t meant to fan any flames. They aren’t meant to spark any self doubt. They’re meant to draw you in and get you to read about attachment parenting, a parenting method that, quite honestly, sounds like too much for me.

So, no. I’m not “mom enough” for attachment parenting.

That’s what the story teaser asks, and that’s my answer.

Not, “Mind your business, Time Magazine! I’m mom enough for you!” or “I’m just as much of a mom as Jaime Lynn Grumet, even though I’m not breastfeeding my 3-year-old son!” or even “I’m enough of a mom, and I’ve never breastfed a day in my life!”

This isn’t about how mothers measure up against each other. It isn’t about measuring up at all. It’s about our individual value systems and to what extent we decided to tie physical bonds with our children. Mommy wars aren’t created by magazine covers. They’re created by moms who doubt their own choices then attack others who are different just because they’re threatened by self doubt. Mommy wars aren’t against each other. They’re against ourselves, and that’s why no one ever wins.

Attachment parenting isn’t for me. It doesn’t make me less of a mom or even not enough of a mom because I don’t sleep with my triplets or wear my them a majority of the time (* like today, when two rode in the stroller pushed by my mom and one rode in the shopping cart pushed by me) or because I have let them cry (Yeah, I still breastfeed my near-18-month-old triplets, but one trait doesn’t qualify me as an APer.)

I’m just not interested in doing the attached-mom thing that much. Two snaps up to parents (because it’s not just moms) who put the time and effort into subscribing to attachment parenting. You have a different definition of Mom than I do, and it requires more giving of personal space than I’m willing to give.

I’m “mom enough” for my family, but I’m just not “mom enough” for attachment parenting.

If you’re one of those who think Time Magazine is questioning whether or not you’re enough of a mom, why don’t you believe in yourself in your ability as a mom and say, “Yes! Thank you for setting up this pat on my back today! I am enough!”

If you’re a good mom, you are enough, and you don’t need a magazine to spark self doubt. Exude the confidence I know you want to teach your children (a lesson taught by good moms everywhere), and mentally fist bump moms everywhere for being good for our families.

If you aren’t a good mom … well, perhaps you should step away from social media and work on that.


I meant to stay out of this, and dammit if I just couldn’t keep my trap shut, then USA Today and Huffington Post grabbed my tweets. Do you think this counts toward my now-dusty journalist résumé? No? Darn.

15 Responses to Mom enough

  1. Jillian says:

    THANK YOU!!!
    Finally someone who feels the same about attached parenthood!!!!
    I say all the power to the moms with so much time they can do that but i’m concentrating on being the best mother I can which means sometimes my children cry too!
    I no longer feel alone :)

  2. I think you brought up a good point: It’s the moms who feel insecure who get upset. And, I have to admit, that I’m one of them. I think I get jealous, more than anything, that women are able to BF longer than me that it’s my gut reaction to get critical. Of course, I know people have lots to say that we sleep with our 10-month-old (less AP and more “Mommy needs sleep”).

    I think we all need to do what works for us as moms and as families than worry about works for others.

  3. Laura says:

    i agree with you but yet i kind of don’t. i’m not an AP and i haven’t read the article but get the gist through what i’ve read. and because it touches on such a personal thing, of course moms take it personally! it’s like religion and politics. and i think that’s exactly what TIME wanted – more media attention from people taking it too personally. so who wins in this one? the media by knowing it would cause a ripple effect. and that’s not fair to good parents.

    • Jenny says:

      If consumers were more supportive of each other and less doubtful of themselves, the ripple effect would have been, “Yay, APing parents! We support you, don’t think you’re smothering your kids and are happy to be among other parents who are trying to do their best by their families!”

      Instead, the ripple effect is one of discomfort and doubt and arguments – all because people project their own choices on those of others when they’re only related if one decision directly harms the next.

      I see what you’re saying, but maybe I’m a crotchety journalist who still believes consumers are wholly in charge of how they use the media.

  4. gassmama says:

    Thank you! Thank you for this post :) I am mom enough for my Lillian and my husband – that is all that matters.


  5. Great post – I haven’t read the article – but I love how you’ve written this. We totally need to support each other – I let my daughter cry, and I’ve made other parenting decisions others may not agree with. Let’s not pull each other down, though – let’s encourage and support each other!

  6. Emily walls says:

    I like your take on it, Jenny! I’m enough for my family. You are enough for yours. At the end of the day, we all need to make decisions that bring us peace of mind that we are doing right by our kiddos.

  7. Bonnie says:

    Self-doubt at the core of the “Mommy Wars”. Never thought of it that way but you are absolutely correct! ::mind blown:: And you’re not only “mom enough” you’re a freaking rock star!

  8. […] was really resisting posting about it because honestly? I haven’t read it.  But then I read Jenna’s fantastic post today and so now I feel fully justified in going on and on about an article I haven’t read […]

  9. Julie says:

    I couldn’t have said it any better- awesome post!

  10. The Mommy says:

    It’s completely about insecurity. Once we get to a point where we are comfortable with our parenting style (and it took me until at least my 3rd child…) we can look at others’ choices and say, “Glad that works for you!”. Unfortunately, it’s usually the newer moms who are insecure enough to buy into the “Are you enough” claptrap. And there’s a new mom born every 3.2 minues (I just made that up. Don’t quote me) so the debate/competition/”mommy wars” will never end.

  11. Longtime reader and recovering lurker here. First off, I love your attitude towards parenting and the joy that clearly emanates from your posts about your children. As an IF veteran myself, I’ve followed your journey closely and look forward to your updates. My daughter is just a couple months older than your triplets, and it is an amazing age.

    Anyway, I wanted to say that I really liked this post in particular, and think you hit it on the head about insecurity. In fact, I liked it so much I linked to it and briefly quoted from it on a post on my own blog.

    So, thank you for giving me lots to think about.

  12. […] why does this idea of “mommy wars” persist? Jenn at What The Blog?, wrote, “Mommy wars aren’t created by magazine covers. They’re created by moms who doubt their […]

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