I finally broke down in one of those crazy-pregnant-lady puddles of emotion everyone jokes/warns/rants about.
I mentioned yesterday that my back hurts. That’s a bit of an understatement. I’m no beginner when it comes to back pain. Two car accidents in my teens left me with a slipped disc in my between-the-shoulder-blades region. My back is notorious for aching up there and occasionally falling asleep. It’s weird, it’s uncomfortable, it sometimes makes me twitchy and unable to sit still in a desk chair. I used to say, “My back hurts,” but that really meant, “Hey, I’m a little uncomfortable, and I need some Advil and maybe a little back rub.”
Now?
“My back hurts” translates more accurately into “SWEET BABY JESUS, I DON’T WANT THIS BACK ANYMORE. IT’S FAULTY, AND THE PIECE OF GARBAGE HURTS ALL OVER.”
Fortunately, I’ve only had one or two days a week that can’t be remedied with my trusty heating pad/ice pack regimen. Those days suck, but I wake the next day feeling much better. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
And then last week happened.
I think there were only one or two days with pain that my heating pad and ice pack regimen took care of. The rest of the week was full of pain that left me cursing my back and anyone I encountered who looked comfortable. Yeah, I even went so far as to tell our sweet doggy, Lucky, to kiss my ass the other night because she was snoozing so comfortably next to me. How dare she be comfy?
So far, I’ve written off the especially painful days as particularly eventful growing days. “The babies must be hitting a growth spurt today,” I’d say.
I feel absolutely horrible complaining – even just in my head – after all we’ve been through to get where we are today. Infertility is painful, and I know the dark times were far more painful than this discomfort ever could be. Plus, I won’t be pregnant forever, and this pain will eventually get better, with three amazing little people that will make all the pain a distant memory. I know that. I didn’t know that about the infertility pain.
My growth-spurt declarations helped put immediate, daily perspective on the reason behind my pain. It also put a quick deadline on it. Life has been fairly normal up to this point. I just have to budget my plans and make sure I don’t overdo things. That’s how I prevent self-induced pain. On the “growth spurt” days, I just cleared my plans and rested.
Again. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Totally do-able. Not at all life changing.
This last week has been a different story. With only a handful of good days, I finally reached a boiling point today, and the unfortunate innocent-bystander victim was Rob.
I woke up this morning to make him lunch this morning, and my felt the terrible back pain the second I rolled out of bed. I made his lunch and decided to ice/heat my back while I ate breakfast and wrote some thank-you notes. After that, I headed back to bed for an early nap and to try sleeping off the last bit of pain.
I woke up and felt better, so I did a few things around the house before sitting back down to ice/heat and lunch. After then, I was feeling pretty decent, so I ventured out to run a few errands. Just in case being on my feet would ruin my whole day, I prepared by wearing my running shoes and strapping on my oh-so-sexy belly brace. The brace is a new purchase, one that’s been highly recommended. I figured there was no better time to test its awesomeness.
I went to the post office. I stopped at a bargain store for about 15 minutes. I went to Wal-Mart for 10 minutes.
Of course, it was in the back of Wal-Mart when the shit hit the fan. Suddenly, the kicked-in-the-crotch pain was back, making each step (can those stores BE any bigger?!) excruciating. My back throbbed from hips to shoulders.
In the time it took me to walk from the front to the back of the store, I felt like I could have laid down on the (disgusting) floor and begged someone to please carry me home.
I made it back out to my car making the most in-pain faces. I’m sure passersby thought I was about to give birth or something. I was a short drive from home, so I got in my car, let my weight redistribute and went on my way.
Pulling into the driveway, Rob called. I sounded funny, he asked what was up, and I said I was just really uncomfortable. He said he didn’t know why. He was joking. It was a sarcastic remark, because I have a very obvious reason why I’d be uncomfortable.
Except, in my pained state, I didn’t get the joke. Instead, I started crying. No, sobbing. Blubbering. I was an incoherent mess, and my poor husband had to try interpreting this foreign, hiccuppy language.
It wasn’t so much the pain. It was the frustration. Everything has been pretty manageable up to this point that a nearly full week out of nowhere spent feeling like a slave to the pain has been a complete slap in the face.
Of course, in my emotional vomiting, everything looked all gloom-and-doom, like I’ve officially and suddenly hit the wall those pregnant with multiples talk about. Now, in a more sane state of mind, I still have hope that my body has just been slow to adjust to a bigger, more substantial growth spurt (babies apparently double in size between weeks 24 and 28).
But this afternoon, my defeated psyche just couldn’t comprehend that possibility. And so I cried. Hard. For the first time, I cried like a pregnant lady.
Hugs momma, I know hang in there sounds so cliche and doesn’t help the pain at all, but you’re in my thoughts and I won’t wish for it to end soon, because you need to stay pregnant through the holidays, but I will wish and pray for pain free days.
I’m sorry, love. Hugs to you!
Hugs! I’m so sorry today was rough & painful. Try to take it easy & I hope the pain is much better tomorrow.
I know you said before on twitter that you were scared to find a new chiropractor… Could you call your old one and ask for a reccomendation in your area? I honestly wouldn’t have made it through my singleton pregnancy without chiropractic care. I was miserable. But I had zero pain after appointments. Just a reccomendation, I’m a survivor of that very same uncomfy feeling. I’m laying in bed right now because of it. I feel you and I’m sorry you’re going through it! *hugs*
Shaina – Nope. I asked when I moved if my chiropractor back home had any recs for this area. No dice. I’m sure I could find one, but I already have a buttload of doctor’s appointments because I’m high risk, and they’re only going to get more frequent – with me being allowed to drive for only a limited time. So adding another regular appointment(s) to the list would be a logistical nightmare.
In other words, grrr.
Awwww, I’m so sorry! Mommy had a terrible pregnancy – we both hope you feel better soon. Maybe a prenatal massage?
The crazy pregnant lady cry had to happen sooner or later. But I’m so sorry you are in pain. Good thoughts and prayers your way!
Aw, poor honey!!! I have a friend in Charlotte who had a wonderful experience with accupuncture if you’d like a recommendation?
I’m so very sorry you are in pain and I wish i could come carry the babies/belly for you for just a little while.
Law Momma – thanks for the offer, but another regular set of appointments would be a total logistical nightmare. I see enough doctors now as it is!
I can’t even imagine the pain! I remember have some sciatica pain with my daughter and that was only 1 baby putting pressure on my back!
You are definitely allowed to complain about the pain! Just make sure you document it so that you can use it for Momma guilt when PB&J are older!
Aw I’m so sorry to hear that. I know, Wal*Mart is MASSIVE! and being the back – yikes! But you’re so beautiful and carrying those babies with such love
ps- i love that you make lunch for your huz – I do that too
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by So-Called (TTC) Life, Jenny. Jenny said: In which I admit to finally crying the ugly, pregnant-lady cry: http://bit.ly/a796M3 […]
Blah to back pain. I was in a car accident two years before I got pregnant and I’m pretty sure it made it much worse during pregnancy. By the end of my pregnancy I carried a pillow into restaurants, the movie theater, shopping, always had it in the car otherwise I would cry. I wore the silly pregnancy sling even though it didn’t make *that* big a difference. It was miserable. I’m so sorry you’re going through that pain. Sucks hard.
Oh honey, you are more than entitled to a breakdown! I really hope the back starts to feel better soon. Big hugs to you mama!
Aww! You are more than entitled to the pregnant lady cry! I cried pretty much every day of my pregnancy from 28 weeks on…in fact I probably didn’t stop crying until she was a year old but I’m a bit of a crybaby anyway.
I hope your back starts feeling better soon! xo
So sorry you’re having a hard time with your back. Virtual hugs to you and the kiddies! Just a suggestion: Whenever I went to a store or mall, my parents insisted I use the motorized chairs. Walmart has them; most stores/malls have them. Please use them as it helps to alleviate the pressure that is on your poor back. I continue to light candles and send special prayers for you and your little family. Take care of yourself….
Gloria K.
3X Blessed with Matthew, Rachel & Jordan
Do not feel guilty for complaining! It’s ok to upset that you’re in pain. I do hope it gets better for you though!
I totally understand! I was a hormonal mess all through my pregnancy and I got WORSE once I had my daughter. One day my husband walked into the living room and I was a sobbing mess. I was holding my daughter and he asked what was wrong. I told him, “I just love her so much….I don’t know what is wrong with me…” It gets better. I promise.
I saw this in a magazine today and thought of you. I figured I would pass it on.
http://www.uncommongoods.com/product/worth-the-wait-babysuit-hat
Awww, darlin! *HUGS* I know what it’s like to hate every single pregnant woman that complains about her pregnancy when you are struggling to even GET pregnant… And then when you ARE pregnant, you feel like if you even utter a negative syllable you feel awful about it. But pregnancy is *rough*. We’ve all had those ugly cries and you certainly do have a valid reason to be upset. You’re in a lot of pain! Be kind to yourself. I remember in the last week of my pregnancy, I waddled to my car and found a campus parking ticket on the windshield of my car (I worked at a college). In a fit of hulk-like rage, I grabbed it off the dash, yelled “mother f******” and ripped it into quarters.
Classssssy.
If you never had the crazy pregnancy meltdown, I’d be worried about you! All pregnant women have one sooner or later. You’re entitled to more episodes since you’ve got more kiddos in there! I hope your back feels better soon! Make Rob give you lots of massages!
When you are prego it seems like everyone expects you to be in baby bliss. Just to help keep things in perspective. We currently “trying” for our second child, and last night I was complaining to my hubby about how I will have to deal with the morning sickness, I will have to change my whole life for 9 months, I will have to fake being ok at work… then he reminded me that our son wants me to hug him in the morning, he wants me to kiss his boo boos, he runs to me when I get home from work, and he wants me to tuck him in at night. The challenges of being the mommy are much greater… but so are the rewards.
Oh honey! If I lived closer, I’d just carry you everywhere.
Hi! I’m new around here… Very very very new… Like am reading backwards from your most recent post and this is as far as I’ve managed to get, new.. But I have to say SPD. That ‘someone kicking you in the crotch’ feeling sounds a lot like my ‘feels like someones ramming an ice pick into my fanny bone’.. And it’s called SPD! And it can get worse if you’re not careful, although you’re bed rest is probably going to help… You really really really need to try and fit in a physiotherapy appointment – i know it will be hard, but even one, just to get advice, will help… Just check that they know what SPD is so you’re not wasting your time. Don’t believe the blogs that say exercise is good – its not, and you can’t anyway. Personally i had no luck with chiro. Icing your pubic bone can help (not with butter cream ;).. Just an ice pack!) and butt massage too.. Once you know the spots, hubby will be able to help.. The secret is to keep your knees together..ALWAYS. Sit down to put pants/knickers etc on/off, bum first getting into the car, stay off steps whenever you can… Essentially knees together (pillow between them for sleeping) and never, ever, EVER have your weight on just one leg unless you have absolutely no choice (ie stairs sometimes).. Absolute bummer that you may have this coupled with your back – but you may also find that helping one will help the other… I’ve had 15 pregnancies and years of infertility to have one bub..and the SPD alone is enough to make me thank god that we have our angel and that I’m too old to contemplate another… Best of luck!! Sorry to hog the blog… I hope it helps tho (and sorry if some of my terminology is wrong/crass/rude.. Coming at you from the Other side of the world here..)