I used to spend hours in the NICU. Many wondered what I did in all that time.
I’d sit and stare. I’d stare at the monitors. I’d stare at the babies. I’d watch for connections between their actions and the alarms. I’d pump in the corner, watching Netflix on my iPod Touch while listening for beeps, sighs or cries.
I (eventually) held my babies while they slept. I held their hands and rested a hand on their head if they were having a procedure.
I watched. I listened. For hours.
Now, the hours fly by as we bounce through our daily routine of eat, play, sleep (for the babies) or prepare/feed, play, pump, eat, clean, rest, blog, tweet, e-mail, blah, blah, blah (for me). Now, the hours I once spent by their bedsides have dwindled into just moments.
An occasional mid-nap fussy baby captures my attention, and I find myself unable to leave their room even after I’ve calmed the storm. I stand, holding my breath in the quiet of their room at home – so different from the noise of their NICU rooms, and watch them sleep again. I study their toes, their fingers, the way they hold their mouths, the way their hair is growing in and filling their fuzzy little heads.
They’ve changed so much. Callista sucks her thumb. Eleanor sucks her fingers. Toby sleeps best with his arms at his sides. I used to pop pacifiers back in desperately sleepy mouths. Now they do their own thing, and my attempts to help are met with tossed heads and annoyance at my interfering.
I want to spend more time watching them, but I’m afraid a cracked-open eye will spot me, smile and be too distracted to get the sleep that’s so needed. I’m afraid the nap time will zoom by, and I will still have laundry left to do, milk left to store, food left to eat.
What I fear most, though, is time speeding by and stealing all opportunities to watch my babies sleep. Everything else can wait a few extra minutes. I need to drink this in before it’s gone.
So true! Love everything about a sleeping baby – noises, smells, expressions, gentle feel of the rise and fall…
Steal those moments, momma.
Every night, I still lay my hand on Harrison’s sleeping back & feel him breathe. & I feel home.
Stare, smile, and stare some more. I love watching Ryann sleep and at 20 months I still learn new things about her as she sleeps and dreams.
Take your moments, they’re so fleeting!
Beautifully said. I feel so very much the same way. It’s all a little overwhelming at times.
A lot of times. :/
The time does go by SO very fast! Sammie turned 2 and I was like, “Wahhh? How???? Wahhhh???”
This post rings true in our house right now. Our last baby has not one thing written in her baby book but I think I have soaked up every single second of her because I realized how fast it all passes with our other 2. My house is never clean – especially for company – but I am always playing, laughing, and enjoying the kids. I figure I’ll clean when they don’t want to play with me any more!
Before I fall asleep each night, I drop into Lil’s room to give her a kiss on the cheek, and cover her back up. I love those brief but beautiful moments.
I look forward to big girl bed, so I can jump in and snuggle, but I don’t want to wish these days goodbye either.
What a beautiful post. I know how you feel. Just last night I snuck in her room with my camera on a tripod to capture what she looks like sleeping in the dark. It’s amazing to watch them grow, but it happens so freaking fast.
Aw, it goes so fast, doesn’t it?
Honestly, though, it won’t ever be gone. I still watch my eight year old sleeping sometimes, and I haven’t forgotten a single moment of her life. I doubt I ever will.
So very very true! Laundry can wait, but babies don’t keep
Beautiful post
Sophia is 21 months and I’ve gone into her room 4 times this week mid nap just to watch her. Just to see how she totally sleeps in uncomfortable positions. To see her breathe. To see her cheeks hold in a pacifier. I don’t know that we will ever tire of watching our babies sleep.
ditto! we are nap training and sometimes i feel like i get no time with the boys. they sleep so much!