For various reasons, I decided to forgo that whole read-parenting/babycare-books step that seems to be so pushed. Millions of folks have happy, healthy children without cracking open a book, and the keywords and catchphrases seem to muddle the already confusing task of parenting. Why muck it up with advice from 8 bajillion different experts, especially when babies are dynamic and can act so differently from day to day.
But that all-too-common Mama Doubt is starting to set in, and I wonder if I’m missing some valuable tidbit hidden between the covers of Popular Parenting Book o’ The Day.
Is it possible as a mom – maybe more specifically as a first-time mom – to make it through without advice from books? Without following somebody’s method?
I feel like we’re doing pretty A-OK, but I always wonder if, when things hiccup, I’m missing some essential piece of the puzzle. Does our routine go in the right order? Are they ready to drop a nap? Do they nap too many times?
Guh.
I’m following my babies’ leads, but what parts of baby/parenthood should be led by the baby and which parts should be led by the parent?
SO MANY QUESTIONS. I have time to ask the questions, but I don’t feel I have time to seek the answers. And so I keep trying things, hoping my attempts are good enough. I’m not looking for perfection. I’m just looking for good enough.
I just hope I’m not missing it because I’m too stubborn/busy/tired/confused/overwhelmed to pick out/up a book.
I had the opposite problem … I read too many books. Every issue that comes up with N, I mentally flip the hundreds of pages I’ve read and try to apply all my knowledge. It’s stupid and it stresses me out.
So, to answer your question before going off on my own tangent, no. You don’t need to read the books. Invest in some awesome gut-honest mama friends who you can call/email/tweet (like me, haha!) … that’s all you need.
And that mama’s intuition is solid. Roll with that, too.
i only read what to expect no actual parenting books and i have to tell you it was so nice feeling my way through it,it made me such a confident parent and my children are pretty awesomspice:) if you do ask me.I tried reading a book after my 2nd just out of curiosity but it made me question so many things and everything seemed to contradict itself so i just went back to istinct.I have 5 awesome kids and i couldnt be more proud:)
i forgot to mention…the best advice is just getting together with other mommas you trust and just talking about it,it makes being a mom so much easier:)
I read as many books as I could get my hands on and really I think it just made me more confused (holy conflicting advise, batman!) and made me question myself even more. I feel like I’m doing better now that I just do whatever my instinct tells me instead of trying to do what the ‘experts’ say.
Ive been following for awhile now, I think you are doing an amazing job. I have nearly 11 month old twins and I haven’t picked up parenting books either. I think as long as baby is happy then I must be doing something right. I think the books are great and I have googled thinks like sleep training, eating and other parenting questions, but I think a mothers intuition goes a long ways.
meh…the books? They’re okay.
I own What to Expect the First Year & it was a nice reference for some stuff, but honestly with preemies & an adjusted age, a book like that is probably more maddeningly confusing.
I read some stuff about colicky/reflux babies when Harrison just wouldn’t sleep, but those never seemed to have the magic answer. So don’t bother with those.
Honestly, the only book I truly recommend regarding parenting in the first year is Babyproofing Your Marriage. It REALLY helped Doug & I understand each other, especially in the first six months.
& of course, you may borrow any books because I pretty much have them all (I was desperate for that magic answer).
Woman you are doing a great job. You know the thing I learned from the books is there is no right way to take care of a baby. Feed it, burp it, change it’s diaper, keep it clean, let it sleep. Bam wham you did it right ma’am.
I will say that my key thing that I didn’t learn from a book but that really explained SO MUCH was wonder weeks. Seriously my friend Lauren told me about them and it was like the skies open and angels all threw spit balls at my head for not realizing it sooner. It’s like weeks 5, 8, 12, 15, 23, 34, 42, and 51. Roughly. And it causes them to not want to sleep/nap to eat a different amount and to be more cranky & clingy.
Either way, no matter what…you are handling three like a freaking professional mamma!! You could probably WRITE a book once you’re done!!
I haven’t picked up a parenting book once and my daughter will be 2 next month. I read “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” from front to back but once the baby was here I just had no desire to read about parenting. Every child is so different and books just didn’t seem like a good idea to me. I agree that sitting w/ loved ones and other new moms and discussing parenting challenges helps so much. I also learned SO MUCH from a local ‘new mom’ group.
I haven’t read any books, and at 14 months Laura seems to be doing just fine. It’s called the Seat Of My Pants method of parenting. If you have a schedule that seems to be working for three babies, go with it!! A mother’s instincts are far more valuable than anything you can read in a book.
I did my best to avoid the books… I Googled anything I felt was pressing that I really needed advice on, but other than that I just followed my little one’s lead. She teaches me everything I need to know, whether she knows it or not!
I did not do a whole lot of reading before Brady was here. After, I read whenever I felt like something was wrong. I think there is TOO much information out there and it is hard to find literature that matches your parenting style. We did read Happy Baby Healthy Sleep Habits because we were having these weird 5am wake up time at eight months but besides this I found twitter, google and friends the most valuable resource. You are doing great…don’t second guess yourself.
I haven’t read a one. My humble opinion is your the momma and you know best. Tell all the crazy thoughts racing through your head to kindly shut up and listen to your gut. You handle not one, not two but three premies with way more grace than most of us do with one. You’ve got this. In my book your supermom
The only one I really read was Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, because I was (am?) totally obsessed with sleep. It helped us figure out good routines for naps and bedtimes and J is a really great sleeper now with a good routine. It was frustrating at first though, because he was 3 weeks early (compared to your triplets who were even earlier) and the book kept saying “make sure to adjust all this information for the actual due date” until I wanted to throw it across the room. I just wanted him to sleep longer gahhhh I was so tired! I think there’s also a “Healthy Twins” version but not sure if there’s different advice for triplets.
Otherwise I’ve mostly just been reading BabyCenter e-mails and figuring things out as we go.
P.S. I think there’s also a Wonder Weeks app if you have an iPhone . . .
my best advice is: do what works. I think you’re doing that, so you’re set. I’ve read the books and I don’t find them overly helpful, especially for multiple babies. I can’t imagine the books are any more helpful when it comes to 3. So, I’d say if it works for you and them, stick with it. Plus, like you said, they’re dynamic, so it’ll be a new story tomorrow!
I love the “Wonder Weeks” book! I bought a few different books when I had my 1st daughter, but I never read any of them until I discovered “Wonder Weeks!” The book described my daughter to a tee, and I loved it! Now with my second daughter all the “other” parenting books are packed away, but “Wonder Weeks” still sits on our table and is referenced when needed!
I was 20 when I had our first. I read every book I could get my hands. I was sure I would miss something. Just after delivery, my husband, who only had been following my que, brought me a baby book, something about the first three years and beyond. I love it. I read it over and over. It became my bible.
Guess what? I missed a lot of amazing things with this amazing child. I had my nose in a book!! Two years later, when I became pg with #2, every book was thrown out, every one!!!!!
Now 15 years and 5 kids into this parenting gig, I’m proud to say I have more Dr Suess on my shelves than any other world-published doctor!
I was 20 when I had our first. I read every book I could get my hands. I was sure I would miss something. Just after delivery, my husband, who only had been following my que, brought me a baby book, something about the first three years and beyond. loved it. I read it over and over. It became my bible.
Guess what? I missed a lot of amazing things with this amazing child. I had my nose in a book!! Two years later, when I became pg with #2, every book was thrown out, every one!!!!!
Now 15 years and 5 kids into this parenting gig, I’m proud to say I have more Dr Suess on my shelves than any other world-published doctor!
Sorry about the double post. It’s been one of those days, that one of those books would have been useful to knock some sense into my teenagers!
sorry, no help here. but i gotta say this: you are doing a GREAT job jenny.
I have to say I mostly picked out the useful sounding info from an assortment of books. The Happiest Baby was helpful just for pointing in the right direction-sort of got me thinking about things from the Babys point of view. We always use white noise for instance and everyone sleeps really well so far (I have 4).
Also, How The Brain And Mind Develop by Lise something PHD, I read it 3 times. I hadn’t realized I was missing my children’s first early attempts at words, still it is hard to catch even when I know to look for it!
Hardest lesson of all- Eating!! The basic portion size per age has been really helpful book info. Also, just realizing that if I tripled or quadrupled my size in a year I would be eating every 45 minutes too!!!
I just ask the computer for everything else.