I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid to write this. Somewhat taking The Other Side on a touchy subject among an emotional, hormonal, sensitive crowd is a little like sacrificing myself to the wolves.
But I believe in what you’re about to read.
If you’re battling inferility, relax. It helps. I promise.
Finish reading Relaxation CAN Help When Battling Infertility at Alphabet Soup, Fertility Flavor, my blog for FertilityAuthority.com.
I think you articulated your point really well without stepping on any toes!
i can read this now & be ok and perhaps wish i could agree.
but i’ll be honest- whilst deep in the throes of 3 failed IVF’s & 1 Ectopic- relaxing didn’t help me one bit. it simply did not.
<3
I admire you for walking into “just relax” territory. I think the point that you’re trying to make is a good one—it’s easy to let IF rule us and dominate our every waking moment. It’s draining and really, it’s just devastating. For me, trying to “understand” and “be OK” with IF is difficult, but I realize it’s what I need to live a happy life. It’s a work in progress, no doubt about it, but it’s something I believe is worth fighting for because I know it’s the only way I can be sane. I hope someday to look back on all of the heartache, money and tears and say, “It was worth it.” I’m getting there.
I really enjoy this article and I think you make an excellent point but do you worry how it will be received? I can see how it might be tough for women to read who haven’t gotten to the point you had gotten to before getting ktfu with pb & j (squee).
bravo for writing something you were slightly afraid of writing, that is what keeps your blog fresh!
This is so true! It took recognizing that I was not in control, nor at fault (i.e. “relaxing”) for our BFP to happen. Unfortunately when someone say, “Just relax,” it implies one is in control and (potentially) at fault.
For me, relaxing – two cycles before getting pregnant – meant being at peace with our treatment plan, knowing we were doing our best with all the factors we could control and letting go of worrying over factors we couldn’t control. It also meant keeping busy during the two-week wait and doing my best to ignore whatever phantom (or pregnancy or PMS) symptoms I could detect (or invent).
Relaxing while fighting infertility isn’t limited to giving up and letting nature do its thing (as the dumb people suggest). It’s more about being comfortable with your choices and actions.
Much props to you for writing this.
I definitely understand what you’re saying, but I think people hear the dirty word, “relax” and take it to mean you can just get pregnant if you chill out. So many of us know that relaxing will not help someone with blocked tubes or MFI.
What’s interesting for us is that we did relax during our successful cycle, similar to how you and Rob did. When we made the decision to head toward IVF, I felt so much at peace, especially since we got a package deal that gave us 3 fresh and 3 frozen cycles. I wasn’t worried or stressing about IF. I felt that we WOULD eventually get a baby out of these 6 attempts. (Maybe that was naive, because IVF doesn’t work for everyone, but that’s the approach I took.)
I went into our first IVF praying it would work, but I didn’t worry and stress so much during the 2ww that I did during each of our IUIs. I was hopeful, but in the back of my mind, I knew that if it didn’t work, we had another shot, and another, and another, etc.
We’re unexplained, but used ICSI. My husband and I think fertilization was our problem, since both of our embryos implanted, thank GOD.
So, I don’t think relaxation (in the sense most people associate with the word) worked to get us pregnant, but I do think relaxing helped us beat IF in another sense. We didn’t let it control us, we were so happy and at ease during this cycle and we had hope, instead of worry and fear. So yes, I definitely can understand where you’re coming from!
ummm yea, as much as I cringe over the words RELAX, my husband agrees with you. He just made this statement yesterday as he said, we weren’t really trying hard this month and got lucky versus last month where it was a sexual bootcamp.
The problem I have with the “relax” suggestion is that it implies that my infertility is my fault. Like our previous IUIs and IVFs didn’t work because I didn’t allow them to. This is what makes me scratch my head at Ruthie’s comment above especially (though she seems to understand it may be taken that way). You weren’t in control, but weren’t you exercising control when you decided to “relax”? I don’t understand.
I agree, Sulfa. That’s why I said I wish I had written this before getting my BFP because I don’t AT ALL believe that relaxing will help anyone get pregnant. What it will help with is improving quality of life.
For me, controlling whatever I could while battling infertility was what kept me sane. Once I took control of my life and didn’t let my infertility hurt every aspect of it, life was so much better. Infertile or not, I knew I had this one life, and I didn’t want to let something I couldn’t control ruin it.