Hi, I’m Awkward – I mean, I’m Jenny

I’m planning to take my trio to church for the first time tomorrow, and I’m nervous.

I have that annoying introvert’s problem about meeting new people. I’m not a fan of small talk – I usually ramble or mumble or just generally don’t have good nice-to-meet-you communication skills. I’m not engaging. I’m shy. I’m … nervous. Since moving from my hometown in Ohio to North Carolina nine years ago, I’ve successfully avoided being a part of my physical community. I have plenty of local friends, but I run all my errands free of looking over my shoulder for someone I might recognize – bringing forth the small talk.

Sigh. Honestly, my small talk just always looks like I have somewhere better to be, which I know looks terribly rude. Shifty eyes, awkward silences, fidgety hands. It’s totally not at all that I’d rather be anywhere but there, but more that I just can’t come up with what to say on the spot.

This is why, though I hold a degree in journalism, I will never ever be a reporter. Words don’t jump out of my mouth when I say, “Jump!” Well, some do, but never the right words.

So there’s that. I’m nervous that I’ll meet people and be forced to act as a normal member of the community.

I’m crazy. I KNOW THIS.

Then there’s the whole business of leaving Toby, Eleanor and Callista with the children’s ministry during the regular worship service. I think they’ll be fine without an adult the know around. They do have each other, after all.

I do worry that their I-can-knock-you-over-the-head-then-kiss-you-and-it’s-OK play style won’t really mesh well with peers.

Then, will they heed the directions of new authority figures? Will they stay with the group and join in, or will they wander off together or alone? Will they show their most awful toddler tendencies that I’m trying so hard to reign in – the yelling, the hitting, the toy toss that follows a tantrum?

None of these worries are productive. My community avoidance is just silly and selfish. My worry for three 2-year-olds to behave nicely is equal parts foolish and wasteful. They’re kind, helpful, smart, social children. It’s normal for them to have aggressive tendencies and trouble staying on task BECAUSE THEY’RE TWO.

I’m going to ignore every introvert bone in my body and jump in, feet first. Look out, Jesus!