Benched

I’d put my foot in my mouth, if it didn’t hurt so much.

That pesky knee pain didn’t let up, even with rest and ice (RICE, if you include propping my legs up on the couch with a 24.5 lb toddler sitting on my “cold knees.”), so I sucked it up and called the orthopedist. I assumed it’d take me, a new patient at this practice, a few weeks to get scheduled, but they set me up for an appointment on Monday, and I called the Friday before.

I agreed and decided I’d suck it up if he told me my pain was nothing more than overuse and overweight.

It isn’t. Part of me feels validated, but I’m mostly deflated.

My problems begin with biomechanics. That’s no surprise. I have ridiculously high arches and was supposed to start wearing molded orthotics about 10 years ago. I never did. Scheduling, apathy, whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. What matters is I didn’t take care of myself then, and I’m paying for it now.

My high arches cause me to supinate – to walk/run on the outsides of my feet – which leaves my ankles underused and tight-muscled. My knees feel the effects of poor foot mechanics, and my knee caps also follow a C curve as they bend. The problems continue upward, but I’m thankful they currently stop at the knees (though past hip and back pain is also courtesy of my wonky biomechanics).

To boot, I now have bone bruises on my tibial plateaus on both legs and possible stress fractures, though those didn’t show up on Xray. If the pain doesn’t improve, I’ll go for an MRI for a better look and possible further diagnosis.

The first order of business is orthotics. I’m waiting on insurance approval. Second is rehabilitation exercises to address my biomechanic oddities. Along the way, my bruise/fracture will heal with time and rest, and I may be able to return to an attempt at running in 8-12 weeks, but not on the streets. I need to get further details on that, but seeing at it’s FOREVER away, I’m not concerned. As for now, I can only do the elliptical or stationary bicycle (neither of which I have current access to), or walking on the dreaded treadmill for no longer than 20 minutes every other day at no faster than 4 mph.

BRASSELFRAT, I say. The wind is out of my sails, but I do not want to give up. It’d be so easy to, to just throw up my hands and say I’m meant to read and not run, but human beings were not meant to be sedentary creatures, and I don’t want my children to think physical activity is only good for some people.

So I’m going to put my head down and push forward. I’m going to learn my exercises and figure out an aerobic activity that will help shed these extra pounds, to get me feeling better and stronger without breaking my spirit or my bank account.

And the bitterness over (possibly temporary) losing the efficiency and availability of running for fitness will subside.